To Write Love On Her Arms is a group focused on the hope and healing of people who are depressed, have suicidal thoughts, have self-injury issues and addiction issues. I was at an event on the campus of UT where the founder of TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms) Jamie Tworkowski spoke, along with musician Zach Williams (who performed)  and Aaron, a counselor, who joined Jamie on stage. It was an amazing event. Along with speaking, they also answered questions from the audience for an hour. It was refreshing to see so many college age kids at this event and asking questions, getting the conversation started. (Once again, why didn’t I know about this group?)

What I do know is that 3 real people were open, honest and candid about the issues that many people deal with. A subject that isn’t as out in the open as it should be. It affects so many people and so many families we really need to get the word out. We need to be open. I know for a fact that depression, suicidal thoughts, addiction and self injury are all issues that victims of sexual abuse struggle with after the abuse is over. It’s the aftermath.

It’s like I’m New Orleans after Katrina. I’m still rebuilding and I’ll be rebuilding for the rest of my life. The important thing is that I’M REBUILDING. In my struggle to cope with sexual abuse, I have felt all of those feelings. My whole life. To the point where I self referred to a counselor because I knew I needed help. I was able to suppress my thoughts and my addictions from time to time but eventually they came out in other forms of addiction and other stupid thoughts. I thought I was in control, but I wasn’t. Everything started to snowball. Everyone around me thought my life was great, that I was doing so well. I always laugh, I always joke. No way is Donnie depressed. Donnie is smiling so he must be okay. It wasn’t until I sought help that I started to heal.

I have a lot of people share stories with me about the experiences of their abuse, and the thoughts of suicide and a constant state of depression are common place. Unfortunately, like sexual abuse, we have not opened up as a society where those of us who deal with these issues feel comfortable enough talking about it. It’s taboo. Peer pressure. The “too cool for school” attitude. Pride. Vulnerability. Trust. Fear of rejection. So many reasons, and all of the reasons suck. It sucks so bad.

And we don’t know who to trust or who we can turn to or even where we can turn.

One of the reasons I started writing about my issues was because I knew, I absolutely knew there was no way I was the only one with the thoughts I have. I knew there had to be resources out there, real resources, genuine resources, and I had no idea why I didn’t know about them. It really made me angry. I really felt like I was in a bubble. Googling some random site didn’t give me the personal touch I was looking for. It seemed sanitary. It didn’t feel warm.

One of the biggest issues I have is trust. Trust and honesty is everything to me. Any abuse resource I have in my Abuse Resources links are groups and organizations I absolutely trust. People whom I wish I had known about a lot sooner. Through back channels or in person, I have had the opportunity to interact with each of these organizations in some capacity, in person, email or phone, and I trust them.

It’s a deeply emotional subject and I think many times friends and family tap dance around the issue. Denial. Not knowing what to say. Not knowing what to do. Not knowing how to react. No mother wants to think their child is being sexually abused, or has suicidal thoughts. No mother raises their kid to be addicted to drugs or alcohol.

Which is why I think it’s important to know that these links aren’t just for abuse victims or people dealing with any of these issues. These links are for families. They are for friends. They are there so we can see the signs. So we can help.

I would almost bet the house that with our new forms of communication i:e MySpace, Facebook, Twitter…that status updates can clue us in to the emotional and mental status of our loved ones. In fact, when you watch the video, you’ll see how TWLOHA became what it is because of social networking and how they were able to connect with hundreds of thousands of people who, in my personal opinion, wouldn’t have searched for help without them.

Any resource is a good resource, but what I have found that helps me are resources I can relate to and not resources that throw statistics (lol. 16%) out at me. Statistics are good to know, but too many numbers flood my brain and lose the substance. Seeing a person my age deal with the same issues I deal with is refreshing. That’s what I want. That’s what I need. A community that understands. That feels. That loves. That accepts.

Tonight, I found myself another home, and they welcomed me with open arms.

To Write Love On Her Arms.

Please visit their website. The link can be found in Column 3 under the Abuse Resources heading or visit http://www.twloha.com/

And take a quick minute to check out the NBC Nightly News clip about the roots of their organization, and how a simple story turned into an amazing movement.

Stay up and stay true,

Donnie D.